THE LONGBOARD
25foot and clean
25foot and clean
NEWS
Interview with Surfing Santa Clause
Hi boys and girls, we were able to catch up with Santa over the weekend, we looked for him up in the North Pole, he was north somewhere, but it wasn't the North Pole, it was the North Shore of Oahu. This is how our conversation went after he got out of the water......
LBN- Santa, we were not expecting to see you down here, Christmas is coming, and we thought you'd be busy up in the North Pole
Santa- Well the way we operate has completely changed in recent years.
LBN- Really that's very interesting, what do you mean?
Santa- I'll explain it if you'd like, just let me get out of this suit.
LBN-What type of suit are you wearing?
Santa- Well it's my basic Santa suit, it's a 1 mil full spring suit. Being the age I am, and the lack of sun I've been exposed to over the years, I burn real fast.
LBN- Makes sense. And about the way you operate things?
Santa- Well many years ago the world population was not quite that large, and it was pretty easy to have the elves take the toy lists from all the boys and girls around the world and just go ahead and make the toys. Also don't forget, many, many years ago, before television, there were really not that many toys, bicycles, train sets, dolls, there really wasn't a whole lot to it.
LBN- No special orders?
Santa- We'd get some special orders, and we could usually make it.
LBN- And if you couldn't?
Santa- We'd tell the kid he was a little naughty, he wasn't getting what he wanted, and send him some other stuff. It was a pretty good loophole, I mean you can't be bogged....
continued column 2
down with every special order that comes in, we worked on a tight schedule.
LBN- Then what happened?
Santa- The world population started doubling every 10 years, everybody had a television, tons of commercials, it was getting insane. We were getting huge amounts of letters, the lists from these kids were an average of 25-30 toys each. There was a lot of pressure, and I started drinking alot.
LBN- Drinking alot??!!
Santa- Forget it!! In the 50s' I was getting drunk every other day. I actually was drunk for 3 Christmas Eves. I remember coming out of a blackout in Australia, the sled was loaded up with toys and we were just about to crash into some poor bastards house!!
LBN- What the...??!!
Santa- Thank God for Rudolph, he steered us clear of the house, I went in and had some cookies and milk the kid left out and sobered up a bit and finished off the night
LBN- And you learned your lesson?
Santa- Yeah, I learned Santa shouldn't get drunk on Christmas eve.
LBN- You didn't quit?
Santa- Not then, I actually didn't quit til the early 90's. I was hiding bottles all over the factory, and the last time I drank was Dec. 22nd. 1994. I was going beserk because we were running way behind, one of the elves wasn't producing at the level we needed him to, and I started chasing him around the toy factory with a baseball bat he had just made.
LBN- And that's what woke you up?
Santa- That was it, I'd had enough. After that Christmas, I got drunk straight through New Years, continued next column
Mrs. Clause had her bags packed and was going for good. I wound up checking myself into the same re-hab that Lindsey Lohen would eventually check herself into. After 28 days, I checked out of there, went back to the North Pole, I had a lot of people to apologize to up there.
LBN- And now back to the original question, it's November, how can you be on the North Shore?
Santa- Well after I got my act together, I couldn't believe all the orders we were getting for computers that next Christmas, I kept one on the side for me and started getting computer literate, couple that with all the factories opening in China, we decided to move our factory from the North Pole to China, and deal with the kids via email
LBN- Are you serious!!??
Santa- Actually, it's become quite easy. All the emails to me are forwarded to India where they are read, the toy lists from the kids are faxed to the factory in China, where they'll be packed and shipped and wind up in front of the kids tree come Christmas morning.
LBN- And that's how you're able to be down here surfing?
Santa- That's it. I have my cell phone and Laptop, after my morning surf I hit the local coffee shop with Wi-Fi, check my emails, make a couple of phone calls, get a bite to eat, take a nap, and surf the evening glass. The only downside is we don't need elf labor anymore. We've downsized and laid off 60% of the elves. But the fact I'm down here chillin in November is unreal.
LBN- That's actually a nice board you have there.
Santa- Yeah, it's actually one of my china boards. I think I'll get a local shape after Christmas, maybe the price'll go down a bit!! Merry Christmas!!
